This is me now, for better or worse

wish this song was around 4 and a half years ago...

2007-12-02T18:40:16Z

"Stay" by Sugarland

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

What so I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah

=-/

2006-04-14T02:09:35Z

I'm taking 6 classes at NECCO next semester, as well as one over the summer. I think I just work myself to death coz exhaustion is better than the incredible insecurity and self-loathing I feel when I'm alone. I have SO much to be proud of...so why do I always feel like such a screw-up?

hehehehe

2006-02-28T12:53:31Z

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	hmmm...chocolate	Isn't that just about every girl's?
Literary:	romance novels	I know I know, it's awful. But my mom has tons and I used to have nothing to read. It's been years though, I swear. Now I like real novels.
Audiovisual:	The OC or tv shows on DVD	I can't get enough of The OC. And I need money for more tv shows on dvd because I am addicted.
Musical:	Juanes or Enrique Iglesias	I don't care that I don't understand the lyrics, I love them.
Celebrity:	I do follow most celebrity couples	It's entertaining and all over the media. I can't help it.

Now I tag:-

unimaginative_j hippie_go_west blurcoffeetv [Bad username: delusionalmnkeyz] and monkeysflyatnoo

to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE.

hehe, funny

2006-01-17T16:20:31Z

<td align="center">Gemini

You are a master flirt. You know just how to pick up hotties, but it is usually just a one night stand because you are out to have fun.

You like sex to be fun. You are not afraid to spice it up with some sex toys, blindfolds and food. Your ideal partner would be open minded, and into having fun too.

Sex matches: Libra, Aquarius

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com
</td>

my dream...

2006-01-17T16:19:45Z

Today's fantastic feat...showering with a trash bag on my arm and managing to keep my cast dry! At least, I hope it's dry. The edges don't feel wet or anything. So on to my dream...

So I was on a field trip with my high school. Except it wasn't mine, it was Ryan's. We were going to a fair to see a movie. So I don't remember much about the bus ride. Except we stopped and got food at a food court in a mall. So I couldn't find Ryan anywhere. But I found Mary so I sat with her to eat and a few of her friends. Saw Ryan later coming out of the bathrooms with his ex, but I was pissed so didn't go over to him. So then we get to the fair, and I still can't find Ryan so I follow Mary all over the place, like a puppy dog. Don't see Ryan anywhere. But then the movie starts, and we get to the theater but it's already dark. So I search and search for Ryan, but still can't find him. It's too dark to tell if he's not in the theater, but he's certainly not with the school group. So I'm freaking out, expecting the worst. He's probably with her, there's something going on, oh no oh no. The movie ends after 20 minutes, and I can't find him in the crowd. We get back to the bus, all talking about what a waste a 2 hour bus ride is for a 20 minute movie, and I see him and freak out and start screaming at him.

So that's the end. I woke up never having found out where he was or who he was with. I'm such a freak.

since i can't actually write...

2006-01-17T14:32:32Z

Okay, so most everybody knows I broke my god damn arm. And of course, it had to be my left. Should be no problem, right? Wrong! I'm one of the 10 percent of the population who's a leftie! (Sidenote: I think there's a lot more of us than 10 percent!) So I can't write in my journal. Which saddens me because I love my journal. But it hurts to write. I hope I didn't screw up my wrist more by trying to write last night. So I am going to post in my lj everything I want to remember, and when the cast comes off I'll copy it all into my journal.

So here's what happened. Ryan and I were leaving his house to go to mine for dinner. His driveway was icy. I fell. Ice and me don't mix. At all. So I must have put my arm out to break my fall, and it slipped behind me. Coz my wrist ended up UNDERNEATH my somewhat large ass. Lucky for me I didn't make my arm a pancake. There's a nasty bruise on my ass that looks suspiciously like my watch. Coincidence? I think not.

So we go home, and my mom's not there to tell me what to do. So I call her whining, and miraculously her cell is on! So she comes home, and her and Ryan tell me "It's not too swollen, and if you broke your wrist you wouldn't be able to move anything. It looks like you just sprained it." So I go to bed, gs wake up and Ryan leaves for school, drops me off at work on his way. So I figure I'll just avoid using my left hand. Things actually went well till about 1:30. That's when I had to start lifting stuff. My wrist swelled up and turned a little redder. And it fucking hurt. Pardon my french. So I go find my mommy. Who freaks. Of course. She called my doctors, who told me to come in. We figured I'd be back to work by 3. I told my mom if I wasn't back by 3 to call in Timmy to work for me. So I get to the doctor's, and she looks at it for 30 seconds and sends me to radiology. I get there and there's not too many people. Suddenly, 5 minutes after, the room is full. So I wait 20 minutes, and then get x-rayed by the same guy who x-rayed my knee on Thanksgiving. Nice guy. I must be making him rich. So I go back to my doctor's. And then this women with 2 kids who was also waiting for x-rays comes in to get the results. So the 2 of us wait like, another 20 minutes to a half an hour. Then the doctor gets tired of waiting and actually goes to radiology. Comes back, and tells the woman her son is fine. Calls me in, and starts pokimg me. "Does this hurt? Does this hurt?" I HATE that. It all fucking hurts. So he tells me they found a line that could be a crack, they're not sure but it is where I say I hurt. So I go to the orthopedics. Wait there. Then get to see a doctor. And he asks "Have you been x-rayed?" Oh wait, before that he did a LOT of poking. Far more than my other doctor. Ow ow ow. Oddly enough though, there was a spot on the side of my wrist that didn't hurt at all. Strange. So he goes and searches out my x-rays, and shows them to me. Bones are cool. I guess I fractured my radius, right where it meets up with my wrist bones. The radius is one of the bones in the lower arm, fyi. So I guess that's why I could move everything. So I get sent for a cast. Turns out the guy who put it on has a daughter my age, who was in my third grade class. Small world. I got to pick the color! It's a pretty light blue. I've never had a cast before, I didn't know people get to pick. Oh, btw, it's very uncomfortable. I am not enjoying this. And I have to shower with a bag over it.

The whole point of posting was coz of a dream I had last night that I wanted to remember. But my arm is killing me. So I think I'll post my dream later. Hope I don't forget it by then.

Pretty nice though, hardly any typos. =-)

bored...

2005-12-23T15:29:20Z

I have an exam in a half an hour, and then this semester is totally over. I can't wait. It's weird though...no papers, no presentations, no more exams, no homework, no reading, no nothing. For a whole month. What am I going to do with myself?

Can't wait till I get my grades back, I hope I did well this semester. I really hope I made Dean's List. I think I did though...statistics was the one class I was really worried about and my teacher said I got at least a B. So that's excellent. Then Shakespeare, and all my other classes I'm pretty sure I have an A.

Alright, enough about school. I think I'm getting sick. Like, really sick. It's something I've had before, and it's not fun. If it gets any worse I'm going to have to go to the doctor's, but they won't be open this weekend. So that's a LOT of pain and suffering I'm going to have to go through. Ick. Hopefully I am wrong, but it feels the same.

the past

2005-12-09T00:11:55Z

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review"

January
So since last I have posted, I think coz I'm not sure when my last post was, has been fun.

February
Happiness is me right now! Why? Because Ryan is absolutely gorgeous and because we have cheese and bread, the essential elements of a grilled cheese sandwich.

March
Snow days are awesome. Even after you graduate high school they don't lose their excitement.

April
I am happy, as I can keep a secret. Well, so far I can.

May
Fuck you.

June
It seems so dumb that people like, fight on their livejournals and myspaces...I'm guilty of it (twice!) but still.

July
[[NAME:]]Gillian

August
Everyone's leaving now. I feel weird, coz I'm going to be staying at home.

September
So I'm really bored. It's sad that if I'm not working I don't know what to do with myself.

October
Put an X by the movies you've seen.
If you get more than 70, you're a movie whore.

November
So I hate guys.

December
Haven't posted any entries till this one.

because these amuse me...

2005-11-26T17:16:20Z

Your LJ Friends Roles in Your Quest for World Domination

LiveJournal Username

Age?

Sex?

What's your motive?

Where will you carry out your plans from?

Weapon of choice?

When?

Your right hand man

unimaginative_j

Top Assassin

hippie_go_west

Just stands there and laughs evilly

blurcoffeetv

Your inside source for the government

unimaginative_j

Mad scientist that you recruited to design weapons

lexisblonde

Backs out of the deal

blurcoffeetv

How much does this end up costing?

$26,007,252

% of the world taken over successfully:

66%

This Fun Quiz created by 0l1v14 at BlogQuiz.Net

Taurus Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

please!

2005-11-22T19:17:21Z

Please go try my music trivia! http://blog.myspace.com/12442374. Email me the answers, gbbd57@yahoo.com. Or, if you have myspace, send them as a message. Thank you guys!

amusing...jess wants me so bad =-)

2005-11-18T16:21:19Z

i've been tagged!

2005-11-16T00:31:27Z

10 things that bring me joy...
1. Cuddling with Ryan
2. SEEING FRIENDS!!!
3. Reading good books
4. Listening to good music
5. Discovering new books/music
6. Baking
7. Cooking
8. Saving money
9. Getting good grades and being proud of myself
10. Shopping

I tag...(don't know many people with this so bear with me...)
blurcoffeetv
dlusionalmnkeyz
monkeysflyatnoo

stole this from jess...

2005-10-07T13:20:52Z

Put an X by the movies you've seen.
If you get more than 70, you're a movie whore.

COPY AND REPOST! PLACE YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT LINE
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( )Boondock Saints
( )The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Garden State
( ) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
(x) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
( ) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
Total here: 10

(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
( ) Harry Potter
( ) Harry Potter 2
( ) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
Total here: 8

(x) The Village
( )Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I Robot
(x) Dodgeball
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came A Spider
(x) Deep impact
Total here: 13

( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
(x) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x)Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Childs Play 2
( ) Childs Play 3
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Seven (SE7EN)
(x) Oceans Eleven
( ) Oceans Twelve
( ) Identity
Total here: 26

( ) Lone Star
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(x) Independence day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
(x) My Boss' Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
(x) The Faculty
(x) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
Total here: 9

( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) X-men 1
(x) X-men 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Ring of Fire
( ) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
( ) Old School
( ) Ray
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
Total here: 5

(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk to Remember
(x) Boogeyman
(x) Hitch
( ) Back Door Sluts 9
( ) Anal Acres 1 Pornos?
( ) Anal Acres 2
( ) B-Cup Divas
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
( ) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
(x) The Slums of Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
( ) Air Force One
( ) Con Air
(x) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap
( ) The Burbs
( ) The Terminator
( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Jr.
(x) Meet Joe Black
( ) Wild girls
( ) A Clockwork Orange
( ) The Order
(x) Spiderman
(x) Spiderman 2
( ) Amelie
Total here: 17

(x) Mean Girls
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) The Incredibles
( ) Collateral
(x) The Fast & The Furious
(x) 2 Fast 2 Furious
( ) Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow
( ) Closer
Total here: 6

(x) Titanic
( ) Saved
( ) Bowling For Columbine
( ) Fahrenheit 9/11
(x) The Sixth Sense
( ) Artificial intelligence (AI)
(x) Love actually
( ) Dawn of the Dead
( ) Shawn of the Dead
( ) Shutter
(x) Ella Enchanted
(x) Princess diaries 1
( ) Princess diaries 2
(x) Constantine
( ) Million Dollar Baby
( ) Envy
(x) Eurotrip
( ) Malibu's Most wanted
(x) Big Daddy
( ) Black Sheep
(x) The Breakfast Club
( ) West Side Story
Total here: 8

(x) A Christmas Story
(x) Spanglish
( ) Pulp Fiction
( ) Sleepover
( ) The Evil Dead
(x) Killer Klowns From Outer Space
( ) The Seed of chucky
( ) Vanilla Sky
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
(x) Interview With The Vampire
( ) The Crow
( ) Purple Rain
( ) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Wayne's World
total here: 6

( ) Wayne's World 2
( ) 21 Grams
( ) Blow
(x) Edward Scissorhands
( ) Clerks
(x) Beauty and the Beast
( ) Guess Who
(x) Aladdin
(x) Dumbo
( ) Monster In-Law
(x) Elf
(x) Stuart Little
( ) Stuart Little 2
(x) Mall Rats
( ) Chasing Amy
(x) Dogma
( ) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Total here: 8

(x) Beetlejuice
(x) The Last Samurai
(x) The Amityville Horror
(x) The Aviator
(x) Romeo and Juliet
( ) Barbershop
( ) Beauty Shop
(x) Legally Blonde
( )Legally Blonde 2
( ) The Forgotten
(x) Sweet home Alabama
( ) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
(x) Grudge
total here: 8

TOTAL: 124 I'm a movie whore, I guess.

blah blah blah

2005-09-30T23:50:18Z

So I'm really bored. It's sad that if I'm not working I don't know what to do with myself. I'm on the phone with Amanda, she's in Springfield. I was SO tempted to drive to Keene today, just for the evening. But then I would have ended up staying all night, and going to work tomorrow would have been near impossible. So I got some cleaning done, that was good. Laundry and dishes, woohoo.

Oh! I found Ryan's sweatshirt today! I've been looking for it! So that was good. And a nice jacket I forgot I had, so I won't have to buy one or anything. I also found a sweater which is good coz I'm always cold.

I put some money in my apartment account today. Bringing me up to a total of $913. That's like, a month's rent. But I still have a few years to go before I can move out, so hopefully I will be able to save up enough by then for it to not be impossible. I need to work more, also. I am definitely setting my schedule up next semester so that I can work full-time and go to school. This semester is sucking money-wise. of course my $360 speeding ticket made that happen. I have been SO much better about my speed since then. So I guess it at least taught me a lesson. Hope that lesson lasts a while. Can't afford another ticket. Can't even afford school right now. Well, I can, but barely.

Alright, enough about money. Financially, I am all set. Just can't afford The OC Season 2. It's breaking my heart, really. It's been out since August! And tomorrow will be October. That's like, 2 months.

Speaking of October, Ryan's birthday is in two weeks. I am going to get his present tomorrow night, I hope. Reminder to me: Don't leave the money I have saved up at home when I go to get it. Hehe, did that last time. =-)

Last thing: Anyone have any ideas on what's a thoughtful, romantic gift for a second anniversary?

i miss this thing...

2005-08-29T03:53:17Z

Everyone's leaving now. I feel weird, coz I'm going to be staying at home. Lexi left for London today. That shocks me. Jess has an apartment. She's not living in a dorm. She has an apartment. That is, to me, like this whole other leap into the real world. Here's my plan: college, apartment, career, family. Jess, while still in college, has moved to the next step, making her one step closer to the real world and leaving me farther behind. I guess that's the bad thing about NECCO...I honestly don't feel much different than high school. But I didn't in Bridgewater either, so at least here I am happier. And I have Amanda, I am not totally alone.

Ryan left today. That was awful. Actually, it wasn't. I think tomorrow it will be worse. It was pretty bad, but I feel it's going to get worse before it gets better. He called tonight though, and it was so good to hear his voice. He sounded like him. I don't know what I was expecting...maybe I was afraid his voice would sound different. It made me feel a lot better that he sounded like Ryan. Like for some reason as long as he sounds the same he is the same. I'm so weird.

To deal with my loneliness today, I cleaned. Quite a bit actually. I unpacked some boxes from Bridgewater. So weird that I never unpacked when I got back. Found so much stuff I forgot I had. I got rid of nearly all the BSC stuff. There's not a whole lot from that place that I care enough about to remember. A few people, that's about it.

But anyway. My room looks better. Not a ton better, but it's a beginning. Now I must keep up this momentum. Being alone and with nothing to do is awful though. Too sad. Maybe this will motivate me to really finish my room. I am even considering opening my closet. Which is full of boxes I packed when we moved here and haven't opened since. And we moved here almost three and a half years ago.

So I'm going to bed, sleeping alone for the first time in nearly two weeks.

gbbd602 @ 2005-07-22T11:04:00

2005-07-22T15:04:50Z

Wonderwall
Oasis

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

just for fun...

2005-07-16T22:28:12Z

1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
3. I'll tell you what item of clothing I'd love to steal from your closet.
4. I will name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.
7. I will tell you what animal I believe you evolved from.
8. Put this in your journal.

gbbd602 @ 2005-07-08T11:00:00

2005-07-08T15:31:43Z

[[NAME:]]Gillian
[[NICKNAMES:]] Gill, Gilli, Gillibean
[[SEX:]] female
[[BIRTHDAY:]] 6/2/86
[[LOCATION:]] salisbury
[[HEIGHT:]] 5'8"
[[WEIGHT:]] not telling
[[HAIR COLOR:]] brown
[[HAIR LENGTH:]] medium to long
[[EYE COLOR:]] blue
[[SHOE SIZE:]] not small
[[PREFFERED HAND]] left
[[SIBLINGS:]] 2 brothers, tim and aaron
[[PETS:]] a dog, balto; a cat, monster; and a bird

FAVORITES
[[GENRE OF MUSIC:]] depends on my mood
[[MUSIC ARTIST:]] right now? muse probably
[[MOVIE:]] right now...hitch
[[ACTOR:]] not really any
[[SONG:]] right now? Staind's "Right Here"
[[FOOD:]] mexican
[[DRINK:]] snapple lemon iced tea
[[COLOR:]] blue
[[NUMBER:]] 72, 57
[[CANDY:]] swedish fish
[[TV SHOW:]] the oc
[[FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:]] wendy's
[[GIRL NAME:]] breta and eva
[[BOY NAME:]] trevor and travis
[[RADIO STATION:]] i have lots...kiss, werz, wbcn, 100.3, 101.1, fnx, sometimes jamn but not often
[[ANIMAL:]] frog
[[SCENT:]] ryan
[[ICE CREAM FLAVOR:]] most kinds of chocolate
[[QUOTE:]] right now "what good is it to live with nothing left to give" from a coldplay song
[[HOLIDAY:]] christmas
[[DAY OF THE WEEK:]] tuesday (the way i work, it's like my saturday)
[[MONTH:]] june
[[FEATURE]] my favorite feature? feature what?
[[ACCOMPLISHMENTS]] i made dean's list last semester!
[[PLACE]] keene state college, carle hall

CURRENT
[[MOOD]] sleepy
[[HAIR]] sloppy-looking, i just kind of threw it up in a bun
[[ANNOYANCE]] the bird chirping
[[SMELL]] not really anything
[[SHOES]]none, just socks
[[THING YOU OUGHT TO BE DOING]] unfortunately nothing...
[[DESKTOP PICTURE]] a happy clam =-)
[[FAVORITE GROUP]] music group? muse i think
[[WORRY]] i was supposed to see my friends last night and couldn't, now they are hanging out tonight and i can't. when am i going to get to see them again?

DO YOU
[[THINK YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE:]] no, but not ugly either. just plain gill
[[THINK YOU ARE SMART:]] not stupid
[[THINK YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE:]] for the most part
[[PLAY SPORTS/WHAT KIND OF SPORTS DO YOU LIKE:]] no sports, bleh
[[DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS:]] it's a huge universe, we can't possibly be the only ones.
[[THINK YOUR STYLE/FASHION IS COOL:]] nope, not at all
[[DO DRUGS:]] no
[[DRINK:]] no

HAVE YOU EVER
[[SMOKED:]] smoked what?
[[DRANK:]] yes
[[GOTTEN DRUNK:]] yes
[[WENT BUNGEE JUMPING:]] nope
[[HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER:]] no
[[BROKE THE LAW:]] yup
[[RAN FROM THE COPS:]] no
[[KISSED A GIRL:]] ...
[[KISSED A GUY:]] yup
[[LAUGHED:]] if there is anyone who has never laughed, i feel really bad for them
[[BEEN SARCASTIC:]] yup
[[BEEN EMBARRASSED:]] all the time
[[CRIED:]] yes
[[WANTED TO DIE:]] fortunately not often
[[BEEN SCARED HALF TO DEATH:]] yes
[[STOLEN ANYTHING:]] no
[[BEEN IN LOVE:]] yup, i am now and it's awesome
[[HAD A MILK MUSTACHE:]] don't think so...i do drink milk though
[[SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND DID NOT MEAN IT:]] yes
[[GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT WITH YOUR PET:]] no
[[HAD A DREAM ABOUT SOMETHING WEIRD & IT HAPPENED THE NEXT DAY:]] no, i haven't saved anyone's life yet...
[[STALKED SOMEONE:]] no
[[HAD A MUD BATH:]] no
[[WISHED YOU WERE THE OPPOSITE SEX:]] back when i was like, 5
[[EATEN SUSHI]] yup
[[EATEN AN ENTIRE BOX OF OREOS:]] i do like oreo's, but can't eat an entire box
[[BEEN CAUGHT]] doing what? i've been caught doing things, anything specific?
[[BEEN CALLED A TEASE]] not that i recall
[[BEEN BEATEN UP]] no
[[CHANGED WHO YOU WERE IN ORDER TO FIT IN]] no

WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR
[[BLUE:]]purple
[[SOCKS:]] lint
[[MIRROR:]] green
[[CRACKER:]] cookie
[[COW:]] milk
[[FRANCE:]] milk again
[[AOL:]] sucks
[[JELLY:]] peanut butter
[[FISH:]] ocean

LAST PERSON WHO
[[WROTE YOU A NOTE:]] probably ryan...i haven't gotten one in a while
[[KISSED YOU:]] ryan
[[HUGGED YOU:]] ryan
[[TOLD YOU THEY LOVE YOU:]] ryan
[[WAS MEAN TO YOU:]] well, ryan. but i deserved that i suppose. i was right of course, but could have been nicer about it
[[SAID SOMETHING NICE TO YOU:]] ryan
[[YOU SAW A MOVIE WITH:]] bethany
[[YOU WENT TO THE MALL WITH:]] ryan and my brothers...interesting day
[[SAID THEY HATED YOU:]] ryan, but i don't think he meant it (hopefully)

OPPOSITE SEX
[[BEST EYE COLOR]] blue
[[BEST HAIR COLOR]] blonde
[[BEST HAIR]] short
[[BEST HEIGHT]] 5'11"
[[BEST WEIGHT]] 170ish maybe?
[[BEST STYLE]] jeans and t-shirts
[[BEST KISS]] ryan's

NUMBER OF
[[BOYFRIENDS I HAVE HAD]] 3
[[BOYS I HAVE KISSED]] 4
[[PEOPLE I COULD TRUST WITH MY LIFE]] 2
[[CDS I OWN]] lots
[[PIERCINGS]] 3, ears and upper ear
[[TATTOOS]] none
[[TIMES MY NAME HAS APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPER]] honor roll and stuff a few times, that's about it
[[SCARS]] one on my chin, lots of burn scars on my hands and wrists
[[THINGS I REGRET]] a few things i would have done differently, but only if i could still be where i am now. oh, and right now i am REALLY regretting bsc. i could have bought a brand new car if i hadn't gone there

FUTURE
[[MARRIED AGE]] 22 or 23
[[DREAM WEDDING]] traditional
[[HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE]] in my sleep when i'm old
[[JOB]] business management or marketing

RANDOM
[[WHO'S YOUR BEST ONLINE BUDDY:]] lexi probably, i talk to her the most online
[[HOW MANY EMAIL ADDRESSES DO YOU HAVE:]] one
[[IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE ONE THING IN TIME, WHAT WOULD IT BE:]] either bsc or angel
[[WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE:]] dove
[[FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP]] just 5 more minutes...
[[BEDTIME]] whenever
[[FEAR]] drowning
[[HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR BUDDY LIST:]] i don't know, like 50 maybe
[[HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE BLOCKED:]] 2
[[THE 3 BEST INSIDE JOKES YOU HAVE:]] three genders, right people and wrong people, (me freaking out) "amanda! shit, shit..." (her in an incredibly calm voice) "left"
[[WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT TO DRIVE:]] mitsubishi eclipse or a 2005 ford mustang
[[WHAT KIND OF SHOES DO YOU WEAR:]] new balance sneakers

i wonder how's it gonna be, when you don't know me

2005-06-29T04:18:47Z

So I am talking to Amanda. And she has been having a rough few days. And where have I been? Working, or with Ryan, and not returning her phone calls after work. She's always been there for me. Why do I fuck up everything good that I have?

gbbd602 @ 2005-06-10T17:02:00

2005-06-10T21:04:09Z

I'm a mess. Like, really. Not to complain or anything, but I am falling apart. Oh well. Maybe things will get better later. I wish I could nap.

so dumb...

2005-06-07T13:03:10Z

It seems so dumb that people like, fight on their livejournals and myspaces...I'm guilty of it (twice!) but still. Lots of fun, but lots of drama. Seems to happen to everyone though, they get at least one nasty anonymous comment or someone else's post saying awful things about them...at least on myspace though the anonymous comments don't happen, lol. Oh, and one of my lj fights was real too, I lived with her. Wasn't totally an internet thing. But talk is cheap, why do people feel the need to leave hurtful but otherwise harmless comment on people's journals? They don't do anything except anger and hurt people, or cause more problems. And sometimes the person leaving the comment lives so far away, it's not like they're even a real threat. I don't know, it's just weird. One of my friends had to make hers friends only coz of it, I had to delete a post a long time ago coz two people who lived hours apart from each other were like, fighting with each other on my livejournal! It's just...sad I guess. And for anyone who notices, all the mean anonymous comments on my livejournal aren't really anonymous. It's just my asshole little brother.
=-) He even got a myspace so he can leave them there too. Haha.

my trivia!!!!

2005-05-29T05:26:50Z

Everyone should go to my myspace (http://www.myspace.com/12442374) and take my music trivia which is posted on my blog! Even if you don't have myspace, email me with your answers! Please? It'll be fun! And guys...no searching the lyrics this time!

testing

2005-05-19T05:14:04Z

let's see if this works... So after Lexi's "To Whom It May Concern" I was motivated to learn how to do this. So let's see if it's working.

i'll be home soon...

2005-05-18T06:02:04Z

So right now I feel...shitty. No other way to describe it. I have like, all night. Confused, angry, hurt, doubtful, all that good stuff. It makes my head spin so bad I don't know how I feel. And nobody seems to get it. I just want to drown this feeling.

sorry =-(

2005-05-10T15:50:16Z

I haven't really uupdated this thing in a while, I wasn't going to let myspace take over and I kind of did. Anyway...I have today off! No work, no school really, just a review at 6! I'm so excited. I plan to clean my room, do some laundry, and once my room looks satisfactory I will work on my homework. It's not even 12, I just woke up at like, 11:30. It's awesome. And anyone who knows me knows I never really get to sleep in, if it's not school I have to work. Alright, so I have to go get some of this stuff done, because I did waste a lot of time sleeping.